I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
