So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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