I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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