He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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