I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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