If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
