using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
