i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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