I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
