remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
