I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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