in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
