If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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