nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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