I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
birth control should be required to get into college
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
