is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
