i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
