Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
