I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
