I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
