I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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