Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my poor anus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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