Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
