Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
