Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
