I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
