her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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