I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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