My first STD was from a foam party
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
