I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
