she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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