it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
