I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
