Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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