This is not my ceiling
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
