Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
