Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
