the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.