I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.