When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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