He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
