First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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