All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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