So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
The maid of honor just puked.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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