due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
