So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
