Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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