I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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