very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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