girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
