I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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