I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
