update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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