haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
