I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we're making bets on your personal life
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
