I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
