Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
