So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
