I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
