I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize