Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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