Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
