my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
