I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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