Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
