I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
