Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
