its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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