After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
