I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
