you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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