i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize