Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
