I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
